i sit here with more things on my mind than i've had for a long time. adrienne and i aren't together anymore. i'm not pointing fingers, we're just not going to be together. yes it hurts, it hurts more than...well...when it first happened i started walking the the black spiral of destruction. depression hit, as did many thoughts of self injury. i was strong and didn't hurt myself physically. but, i was refusing to deal with things and that, plus more began to surface. i'm a firm believer of past lives and reincarnation. the break up brought up past life issues, some involving adrienne, some not. my friends give advice, for past and present issues. what happened to the wonderful life everyone saw? what happened to the visions i and others had? why did my entire world fall apart? i know, my entire world didn't fall apart, but that's how i feel sometimes. i haven't been held for weeks, which isn't that long, but after having full snuggle sessions regularly for 8 1/2 months, then it no longer being there... it hurts! i curled up with a friend last week, but that was different, it's not the same when you're not the one being held. that's what i got out of the relationship with adrienne, safety, security, the love that i needed to heal and grow. but now, nothing. i know i should just drop the issue, since it's obvious that i'm not going to be getting any physical reassurance anytime soon. but it hurts, it hurts a lot. i'm not going to fluff the truth, i'm hurting. i'm not going to lie, i miss adrienne. i want to be held, i want to be told that i'm loved, truthfully, honestly, from the heart. old scars from kirsten, and lindsay, have all been coming to the surface and been dealt with. for a day, i actually thought about messaging kirsten, i didn't, but i thought about it. i got a reading and it told me about some stuff involving adrienne and myself. i also did a reading on myself and it revealed a lot too. i'm hoping that everything will return to normal soon, but whether adrienne will be in my life again is still unknown.